This weekend, my boyfriend of 3 years, entered his second semester of college. Upon that, he had list of possible academics. Like myself, he's highly involved in web and technology, but unlike myself he has no skills in design. He found himself at a crossroad. He found himself unable to find a suitable career he could see himself in for a long run. I felt guilty, because I find myself in a career that I love.
Justin asked me, in a blunt and almost embarrassed tone, "How did you decide on being a designer?"
What could I say? I couldn't lie and say I always knew I'd be a designer. Then again, I couldn't rub in the fact that I was lucky enough to have an opportunity to do what I love.
I was at a loss of words and all I could give was a simple "I don't know".
It was actually a wake up call. While Justin still putters along trying to find out what he wants to be when he grows up, I'm here wondering why I want to be what I am.
In the lulling sound of my air conditioner blasting full heat on a cold night, I laid awake. It was a hard thought to shake.
Why am I a designer?
Certainly, it wasn't something I just stumbled upon. I thought intricately and delicately of why I was where I am today.
The only answer, as simple and pure as it was, was "because it feels right".
I want to have a creative outlet. I want to solve solutions for people who can not find an answer themselves. I want to challenge myself. I want to provide a service that gives me a bit of pride. I want to find confidence. I want to deliver a message.
And at the end of it all...
I want to be remembered.
For someone who stood in back of a crowd, who sat in a class and spoke to no one, who grew up without any special needs or wants -- I want to be selfish for a moment. For once.
I want to be able to see my designs come to life. I want to see my creativity praised. I want to be feel that knot of excitement and disbelief in my stomach when I find out someone likes my work and finds it enough. All of the other factors are a beneficial aspect that reflects my will and desire to help people.
Helping people find an identity and providing a service to people is something that is a great thing to do, but for once, is it so wrong to be selfish?